


Christmas Presence

by romanticalgirl



Category: Dawson's Creek
Genre: Consensual Infidelity, F/M, Infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-05
Updated: 2013-07-05
Packaged: 2017-12-17 17:52:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/870280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanticalgirl/pseuds/romanticalgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Originally posted 11-30-00</p>
    </blockquote>





	Christmas Presence

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted 11-30-00

They say that Christmas is the most depressing time of year. Ive never really felt that way. All the truly depressing things in my life have happened at times other than Christmas. Maybe its just because youre supposed to be so damn happy that all the bad things look worse, I dont know. The way I always saw it, you had time off school, you could sleep in and people spent money on you. Nothing bad about that in my eyes.

Of course, that was before. Before I had a Christmas that meant everything to me to compare all the Christmases that came after, only to find them lacking. Ive never been depressed, just saddened a little that nothing managed to work out the same way ever again. 

I only think this because Im driving to a Christmas party that I would give various body parts not to have to attend. But, being home from college as I am, I cant exactly escape the event. Thats one of the worst things about a small town like Capeside, youre inevitably news when youve been gone for a while. And three years is quite a long time to be gone. Im sure that, in my absence, the town has been bereft of scandalous trouble. No doubt theyve missed me. 

I havent missed them. 

Well, thats sort of a lie. I have missed a few of them. Jen, Jack, Andie, and Dawson, I suppose. Doug even. And Joey. It all always comes back to Joey. 

Im over her. I am. Honestly. I mean, once we split up, I didnt look back. I realized that what I had always known in my heart was true, even if she convinced herself for a while that it wasnt. Shes always belonged to him. Not because she loves him, not because he loves her, but because she believes its just meant to be that way. So I just moved on, went on with my life and didnt look back. 

Of course, every once or twice I find myself remembering. We had some pretty damn perfect months. Three fantastic months at sea followed by someclose to perfect months in Capeside. We had a Christmas that Ill never forget, a Valentines Day that was so incredible that its ingrained on my mind, and then it was over. Whether she felt guilty or anything else, I dont know. But it ended. And I was all right with it. 

But now Im headed toward Mr. and Mrs. Leerys house to attend another Christmas party. Only this time it wont be Dawson and my sister Gretchen kissing underneath the mistletoe. Itll be Dawson and Joey, announcing their engagement. 

I dont know why Im going, other than a blinding sense of obligation. Theyve been my friends all my life, and we even managed to still be civil and sociable after Joey and I ended things, so I guess thats why Im pulling into the driveway now. I cant fathom any other reason. I dont think Ive ever really been a masochist, although the tendency is probably there. 

I turn off the car and stare up at the house. Its beautiful. Soft white lights dancing on the snow, the twinkling of the colors on the Christmas tree and the music that carries out over the faint breeze all make the perfect scene. Norman Rockwell himself would be proud of it. The classic Capeside Christmas. I guess its only fitting that the self-proclaimed soul mates are doing it all this way. Its just like something from a movie. 

I wonder, if I decide to kill myself, will an angel come along and convince me that were all better off with me in the world? Oh wait. Jimmy Stewart already had the wonderful life; he just didnt realize it. Whereas Iwell, I think I mentioned to Dawson once that Im no Jimmy Stewart. Im more the Clint Eastwood or Lee Marvin type. Hes the Frank Capra golden boy, while yours truly is Dirty Harry. 

"Hey." 

Its the typical Capeside greeting, and I recognize the voice immediately. I should have known shed be the first to greet me. I think shes the only one who has any clue how much this might be hurting. "Hey there, Lindley. Youre looking lovely as ever." 

Shes got the most beautiful blush. Perfect cheeks, painted with cold. "Youre a flatterer, Pacey. And youll remember that it did you no good in the past, so dont go thinking its going to get you anywhere now." 

"Damn my bad luck." I shrug as I climb out of the car. "Would it do me any good to tell you that I brought you a present?" 

"Gifts are always a good start." She gives me a hug and for the first time, I feel like Ive come home. "But I thought we agreed to draw names." 

"I hedged my bets and bought something for everyone. Im hoping if you like my gifts youll all love me best." 

Jen cocks an eyebrow and I know that Ive given something away. Sometimes the memories slip out in my voice. Not wanting to face her, I open the back seat of the car and pull out a bag of gifts, covering most of my face with it. "You going to be able to handle this?" 

"This what? The blessed event?" 

"Thats babies." 

"First comes love, then comes marriage" I break off and shift the bag, reaching out with one hand to grab hers. "And to answer your question, yes. Im fine. Perfectly fine. More than fine." 

"Im so not believing you." 

"Joey is my past. Pining away for her, especially while shes obviously in love with Dawson would just be a waste of my life. Ive no desire to shatter whatever bonds weve managed to forge over the past three years just to try and get her to admit that she might still have feelings for me. After all, what would that do? Joey Potter, soon to be Leery, is the most stubborn woman on the face of the planet. And no one, not even I, the esteemed Pacey Witter, could sway her from a course of action if shes determined to take it." 

"What about when she sailed away with you?" 

I sigh and stop walking, wanting this conversation to be over before we enter the house. I look at her, making sure that she can see my eyes, see that Im telling her the truth. I dont want to have this conversation again. "I didnt make her make that choice, and to be honest, she didnt make that choice either. Dawson let her go. He set her free. And she went back to him. Thats the end of it. In high school, I loved her so much that I wanted to be with her, no matter what. Im older now, and a hell of a lot wiser. And I have no desire to be with someone who doesnt have the courage to push everything else aside to be with me. I dont want someone who needs to have permission. Okay?" 

Jen nods, letting the subject drop. Im grateful. More grateful than Ill ever let on. Because its mostly a lie. If Dawson told Joey to run after me again, Id gladly take her back. Joey Potter seems to have that power over men. "So, what did you get me?" 

"I have no idea, I made my roommate do all my shopping." 

She punches me on the arm as I hand over her gift. "I didnt get you anything yet." 

"Its okay, Lindley." 

"Really?" She gives me a quick look, making sure that Im not lying. Im not, so she opens the small package and her eyes widen. "Itswow. Pacey." 

I set the bag at my feet just inside the Leerys covered porch and take the thin gold bracelet from her. I fasten it around her wrist and smile down at her. "Something about it just reminded me of you. Strong and sleek butfragile." I pull my hands back and shrug. "You like it?" 

"Its beautiful." 

I watch her admire it and I know that, somehow, Im not out of the woods yet. "What?" 

"Im just wondering." 

"What?" 

"If I got this, what the fuck did you buy Joey?" 

"Starbucks gift certificates." 

She stares at me, wondering if Im joking until she realizes that Im not. "Youre not kidding." 

"Nope. Starbucks is the best for folks on the go. You know, famous Hollywood wives, that sort of thing." I pick up the rest of the gifts and nod toward the door. "Besides, I figured shed be getting enough new jewelry tonight, anything I might bring into the mix would pale in comparison." 

Jen opens the door and gives me a look, and I have to admit that I hate that she knows me so well. The sound of the party assaults us, filling the night with laughter and music. We work our way into the crowd, weaving between people in an effort to make it to the stairway. Weve all agreed to meet at the stairway, the six of us friends back from college at the same time, for the first time. I havent seen Andie and Jack in forever, so I figure the good should outweigh the bad. Besides, if I see Dawson and Joey before the big moment comes, maybe it wont all be so bad. 

"Pacey! Jen!" Andies voice rings out over the music as she climbs up the stairs to tower over the crowd. We head her direction and I lose Jen as soon as she sees Jack. Shes weaving through the masses with purpose, wrapping her arms around her best friend almost before he knows what hit him. It hits me about the same time. Joey, Dawson and I were supposed to be the forever friends, you know? The three that, somehow despite everything we did to screw it up, remained best friends forever, like some Hallmark card. Instead Andie, Jack and Jen are like a family and Dawson and Joey are engaged. How did I go from being the person who brought everyone together to the person that didnt fit in? 

"Pacey!" Andie bursts through the last few people to tackle me in one of her patented, life-threatening McPhee hugs. I hold onto her as best I can with one hand, still trying to make my way to the stairs. "Oh!" She stops walking, pointing up to the ceiling above us. I glance up although I know very well what Ill see. The mistletoe is Gales secret weapon for getting laid, I swear it. 

"You propositionin me, McPhee?" 

"Its tradition." She says the words so seriously that I cant help but laugh. I lean down and kiss her gently, wishing, and not for the first time, that the fire I once felt for her would come back and consume me so that I could actually find a way to move past all this. 

I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn around to see the other McPhee. He looks up at the ceiling and cocks an eyebrow. I laugh and lean in to kiss him on the corner of his mouth. I can feel the surprise register on his face. Heh. Nice to know he didnt actually expect it from me. "Hey there, sailor." Jack flushes and shakes my hand, obviously embarrassed. "Come on now, Jackers. You cant tell me you *still* havent found you some man-lovin." 

"Youre an ass, Witter." 

"Yeah." I nod, completely agreeing. 

"And so very wrong." He drags some guy over and I have to admit, on an objective scale, hes a hell of a lot better than any other guy Jacks had the hots for. And, from the way theyre comfortable around each other, and the way Jacks finally comfortable with him around the crowd, Id say I am very wrong. 

"Glad I am." 

"This is Noah." Jack nodded toward his date then toward Pacey. "And this is the black sheep of Capeside." 

"You can call me Pacey for short." I shake his hand and ignore Jack. "Should I kiss him too, Jack? Or can I actually leave this spot so that Im not besieged by lonely young women and men all night." 

Noah grins and tugs me forward by my hand. "Oh, dont leave on my account." Instead of kissing me, he just guides me over to where the rest of the gang is gathered. Which is kind of a relief. Ive been trying to work on kissing other mens significant others. Been there, done that. Thank you very much. 

Jens grinning from ear to ear watching Jack and Noah, and shes right. Its nice. Jack was a little too tortured in high school, being the only kid in town with a scarlet G on his sweater, so its nice to see him happy. Andie looks pretty happy too, come to think of it. But that might have something to do with the ring on her left hand. "You got something to tell us there, Miss Andrea?" I nod toward her hand, grinning as she blushes. 

"No." 

"Andie." 

"Hes just a friend." 

"That youre going to marry?" I lift her hand and let the diamond sparkle in the Christmas lights. Why cant this one hurt? Get everything started. No. Thats right. Im all over Joey Potter, soon to be Leery. "Who is he? Where is he? Have I met him? Did he knock you up? Am I going to have to kick his ass? And why haven't we heard about him before?" 

Her smile, as gorgeous as it is, fades and I look up as some guy joins us. Something nags at my brain as I look at him, knowing that hes Andies fiancé, knowing that something is slightly off. "Paceyyouyou remember" 

"Marc." I nod and reach out to shake his hand. Funny. Five years ago, the guys face was etched in my memory. "Nice to see you again. In slightly saner quarters." 

He smiles and returns the handshake. "You too." 

Andie looks relieved. Maybe she thought I was going to throw a punch. "I hope its not too much of a faux pas, but I brought your fiancée here a present. Of course, had I known" I give Andie a speaking glance before pulling her gift out of the bag. I dont watch as she unwraps it, instead turning to give Jack his. I know shes going to like the leather organizer, especially with the little sayings I interspersed through it. Of course, itll be a few weeks before I get a phone call about those. 

Jacks gift wasnt so easy. But I can tell he likes it. Hell, hes probably already got a few at home. "You know, when I bought it for you, I didnt realize" 

"Its great," he assures me with a grin. 

"I was watching football one Sunday afternoon and it just struck me that he was a player youd think was hot." I look pointedly at Noah then at Jack. "I didnt realize when I bought the jersey that you were already huddling with him." 

"How is it you know so well what kind of man Id like, Pacey?" 

I just shrug off his knowing glance and grin my most devilish grin. "I just figured youd go for someone who reminded you of me." 

The loud laughter of four old friends and two new ones fit right into the party and its nice to be able to laugh. God, we were so angst-ridden in high school, I thought wed never manage to be able to have a good time. Of course, the two most afflicted arent here with us. 

"Are we going to have to break this up?" 

I spoke too soon. 

Dawson looks just like Dawson. I swear that hell never change. Maybe thats a good thing. Maybe thats the thing I kept doing wrong. No. Im not going to do this to myself. Not tonight. The next couple of years, thats a different story, but tonight its all about having a good time. 

Everyones hugging. Joey and Jen, then Andie and Marc, then Jack and Noah. Dawsons already deep in conversation with Jen. And then shes standing in front of me. "Hey there, Potter. Soon to be Leery." 

"Hey." She tilts her head just a bit and a shaft of something goes through me. She biting her lower lip and I know she cant know what its doing to my hormones, because surely shed stop if she did. "Its good to see you, Pacey." 

"Thats what all the women say to me." 

She grins and it just gets worse. Im not going to make it out of here alive tonight, Im afraid. "I dont doubt that in the least." She stands awkwardly and I know whats next. I wonder how Im supposed to hide this when Im in her arms. Being detached and out of love is a hell of a lot easier when shes a couple hundred miles away. I reach out and pull her into a hug, noticing before I close my eyes that Jens got Dawson turned away so that he cant see what holding his fiancée to be is doing to me. 

I inhale the scent of her as I hold her, making sure to keep my hands exactly where they should be. I hug her for just a little bit longer than I should then release her, stepping back. I cant quite meet her eyes, afraid that too much is showing in mine. "I got youa present." I manage the words as I reach down to pick up the bag, glad of an excuse to divert my attention away from the feel and smell of hernot to mention give my body a chance to shift back to some semblance of normalcy. "Its nothing too extravagant." 

"You didnt have to get me anything, Pacey." 

"Dont worry. Its not much of anything." She opens the package and laughs at the handful of Starbucks gift certificates. It trails off as she finds the necklace underneath. Its not much. A thin gold chain with a single diamond on it. "Really." 

Tears fill her eyes and she wont look at me. "Thank you, Pacey." 

"Its just coffee, Jo." 

"Not just coffee." I tense, afraid shes not going to play along, afraid that whatever drove me to do something so monumentally stupid is going to come crashing down all around me. "Its Starbucks." 

Its easy now. She and I are on the same wavelength and its all okay. Even if I screwed up by doing what I did, shes forgiven me. Now I just have to sit through their engagement announcement. That should be easy enough. Its purging the thought of it from my mind afterwards thats going to take some work. 

We manage to move our way back into the crowd and I give Dawson his present, some camera thing that Gale assured me he wanted. Presents distributed, we finally break up and start mingling in with the rest of the crowd, mostly family and a few old friends, not to mention a lot of people I dont recognize. 

I find that I stick with Jen, Jack and Noah more than anything. Afraid to go too close to Joey maybe, or worried that Ill say something to Dawson that might just give me away. Besides, Im sure the last thing he wants is his fiancée-to-bes ex-boyfriend hanging around her at her engagement party. Hours pass and Im actually having fun. I didnt think it was possible, although Joey hasnt left my mind, or my sight really, all night long. 

After a while, I get up and head upstairs, just needing to be away from it all for a while. There are a lot of good memories in this house, maybe if I can concentrate on them; I can get everything else out of my head. 

The doors are all closed and its almost like Im alone except for the shadow standing by the window. The reflection of the lights on the snow move across her face, making her look angelic standing there. "Should I go?" 

She looks over at me and shakes her head. Her arms are crossed over her chest and her head is against the pane of glass. She looks almost breakable. "You can stay." 

"You dont look the image of happiness up here all alone, Joey." 

"But I am." She smiles and it doesnt quite reach her eyes. "Im engaged to marry Dawson, which is what I wanted all my life, right? Isnt that what everyone keeps telling me?" 

"Arent you excited? I thought that Dawson was who you wanted. I thought you made a choice." 

"I did. And my choice changed everything." The words are laced with sarcasm and Im a little taken aback. "Thats what Dawson is fond of saying. My choices change our lives, because hes been sent of his course of action since the dawn of time. Of course, that doesnt take into account the fact that he didnt see me as anything more than a friend until the day I threatened to leave him for a foreign country." 

"I thought you were soulmates." 

"We are. After all this time, I think we would be even if we werent." She laughs and its almost bitter. "I mean, hell, its almost as if Ive been grafted onto him. He lost his right hand and they gave him a new Joey to make it all better." 

"So why are you marrying him? If youre so unhappy?" 

"Did I say I was unhappy, Pacey?" 

"You didnt use those words, no. But happy women, from the few instances Ive seen them, dont spew forth vitriolic asides about their intended." I dont touch her; afraid shell bite me like some sort of wounded animal. "Why are you marrying him, Joey?" 

"When I love you?" She whispers the words and they hit me with the force of a freight train. 

"I didnt say that." 

"No. This time I did." She smiles and it lifts the edge of her mouth. "And thats the truth, even if you dont want to hear it. Because you dont, you know." 

"I can honestly say that I cant think of a single occasion where you telling me you love me is a bad thing." 

"I can." 

"Whats that?" I step forward this time and touch her shoulder. She flinches slightly before moving back toward my touch. 

"Im still going to marry him." 

"Why?" Its a simple question. But I know that, with us, theres no simple answer. 

"Because he wont change. He wont ever be different than the Dawson Leery he was when we were growing up. Hes never going to make me question him or his motives, hell always stay on the straight and narrow. Hell never have a moral crisis. Dawson lives in a fairy tale world and, after all the real life horror of mine, I want to live in his world for a while." 

"So youre going to marry him." She nods and moves past me, headed for the stairs. I dont even think to follow her, wouldnt know what to say to make her stop. "What about when youre tired of living the fairy tale, Joey?" 

"Then Ill be miserable in style. Just like I am now." She turns slightly and gives me a look I cant quite read. "Then when all is said and done, maybe Ill write a tell-all book and shatter the illusion." 

"Im sorry, Jo." 

"Dont be." She stops and stares at me for a long moment. I can feel my body respond, as much as I wish that it wouldnt, that I could control it. "The only thing you ever did was show me there was an alternative. Its not your fault I wasnt brave enough to take it." 

I dont watch her walk away this time. Instead, I disappear into Dawsons old bedroom and sit on the bed in the dark. Nothing has changed here, which really isnt that surprising. The TV and VCR are right where they always were, the window is slightly open and Im sure if I look out the window, Ill see the ladder back in its traditional perch. Id forgotten how much that stupid piece of metal symbolized to all of us. 

I lie back on the bed and stare up at the ceiling. There used to be a sense of idealism that clung to anything Dawson touched. Maybe thats why Joey and I were so enamored of him. I mean, neither of us had any idealism in our lives, they were stark reality, so we flocked to him like he had all the answers. And apparently Joey still thinks that he does. 

Could I marry someone I didnt love? 

I feel her touch me, even though I didnt hear the door open. I reach back and place my hand over hers, trapping it on my shoulder. She walks around me slowly and stands at the edge of the bed, just staring down into my eyes. I wonder what she can see in the dark. With her free hand, she reaches behind her and slides down the zipper of her dress. I hear the fabric slither off of her and release her hand so that she can step out of her dress. 

Christmas lights are our only illumination and the multitude of colors cascade over her skin. Shes wearing nothing underneath the dress, and I force myself to breathe. Its been years since Ive seen her like this, and back then she wasnt this at ease, this confident with who she was, what she was. 

Her hands move back to my body, trailing over my dress shirt to my belt. She unfastens it then unzips my slacks. I lift my hips so she can slide them off of me, biting my lip as her eyes move over my exposed flesh. My cock is hard and ready for her, has been since the moment she walked into the room downstairs. 

She doesnt speak as she straddles me, sliding my cock inside her. Shes hot and wet, taking me in and coating me in her sleek flesh. I moan softly as she leans forward, her bare breasts rubbing against my shirt as she kisses me. Her tongue is ruthless, slipping between my lips and claiming me. 

I just lie there and let her use me, taking pleasure in her body, since thats all shes offering. Her knees dig into my thighs as her muscles clench around my dick, squeezing the hard flesh unmercifully. Shes not even thrusting down on me, preferring to slide along the length of me, covering my whole body with hers. I guide her movements with my hands, holding her still from time to time so that I can just feel her. 

I want to hate her, even though Im still so in love with her. I want to hate her as much as Im hating myself right now. I should be stronger than this. I shouldnt be so helpless around her. Didnt I have restraint? Didnt I promise myself that I wouldnt let this all suck me back in? Didnt I swear I was over her? 

And yet here I am, lost in her, wishing that this wasnt about sex at all, but something deeper, something like what we used to share. Wishing it was about what we had between us the first time I made love to her. 

I can taste her tears on her lips. I dont ask her why shes crying, dont want to know the reason to be honest. Shes gasping softly as she gets closer, her orgasm edging up on her even though weve barely started. Without a word, I take control from her, rolling her over onto the bed and forcing myself deeper inside her. 

Shes shivering now, surrendering control. I pull out of her body and get onto my knees, staring at her face for a moment. Her eyes are closed but she still looks tortured. Sliding my arms under her knees, I move her body and slide back inside her, thrusting forward hard and fast. She bites her lower lip, but not in the same sexy, uncertain way Ive grown used to. Now she bites it to keep from crying out. Tears leak out from under her closed eyelids and shes not breathing so much as panting hard for air. 

Its not tender; its not about love. Shes punishing herself once more for being in love with me when she has to live her life with him. The thought angers me and I grunt hard as I bury my cock inside her, wanting to hurt her. Maybe the gentleness hurts her more. I slow down and stroke her softly with my hard shaft, whispering her name over and over in the quiet. 

She shakes her head vehemently as she comes, not wanting to give in now that its become about something more than sex. The hot rush of her orgasm triggers my own and I lose myself inside her. Ive barely finished before shes pushing me off of her and crawling off the bed. I just lie there and watch her dress as if nothing has just happened, as if my body isnt still warm from hers, as if my cock isnt still wet from being inside her. She slips on her dress and zips it up without another word. 

When she gets to the door, she has the decency to stop and look back at me, glancing at her watch before she speaks. "Were going to announce the engagement in about fifteen minutes. You should be there." 

Im not even surprised by her words. I just stare at her through the open door as she ducks into the bathroom then I force myself to my feet and pull up my slacks. I head downstairs and dont look back, not even when I hear the door open behind me. 

Jen joins me at the bottom of the stairs, taking my hand in hers. I let her guide me over toward the front door, thanking her silently for knowing that Ill want to make a quick escape. She grabs a couple of glasses of champagne off a nearby table and holds one out, practically forcing it into my hand. "Drink up, Pace. Youre probably going to need it." 

"I think Im numb." 

"You think that now. Waitll you hear the words." She clinks her glass against mine and drains her champagne. I follow suit then turn toward the base of the staircase where Dawson is standing and clearing his throat. Joey is beside him, looking none the worse for wear. She doesnt look like shes just been rolling around on her fiancés bed with another guy, and she sure as hell doesnt look like a woman who isnt in love with the man shes decided to marry. 

"Could we have everyones attention please?" Dawson calls the words out and I feel myself tense. Jen grabs my hand and squeezes it, giving me a look that I dont turn my head to see. I know whats in her eyes, and I appreciate it more than she knows. "A lot of you know the main reason were here tonight, but we thought it would be good to make it official." He gives Joey a smile and pulls her closer. I dont see her eyes light up when she looks at him, but its tough to be sure through my own tears. Dawson releases Joey and turns toward her, a confident and cocky smile on his face. He always knew this would happen. 

Taking the ring from his pocket, he holds it out to her, letting the light sparkle off the diamond dramatically, and I cant help but wonder if he practiced all day long just for the effect. "Joey? Will you marry me?" 

I whisper the word no just as she says yes, sighing when I realize that shes going to go through with it. I go to squeeze Jens hand and realize that Ive already got it in some sort of death grip. "Sorry about that," I mutter brokenly. 

"Lets blow this popsicle stand, shall we?" She gives me an unadulterated grin and nods toward the door. "Ill give you your Christmas present." 

"I thought you said you hadnt gotten me anything yet." 

"I lied." She tugs on my hand and we move out onto the porch. I shiver in the sudden blast of cold and wonder for a second where I left my coat. I stop wondering when Jen pulls me over to the corner and stands in front of me, her eyes dancing. "So, you want your present?" 

I nod and she holds out her free hand, lifting it above my head. I look up and smile at the sprig of mistletoe shes absconded with. "Gale catches you with that and shes not going to be happy. One less bit of mistletoe is one less piece of action shes getting from Mitch." 

Jen shakes her head and smiles. "Is she out of your system, Pacey?" 

"No." 

"You think she ever will be?" 

I brush her cheek with my warm fingers, feeling the cool air on her skin. "I dont know. Butafter tonight, I dont think I want her anymore." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah." 

"So, would it be safe to say that I can actually start telling people that were dating?" She gives me a look before raising up to kiss me lightly. "I dont have to keep hiding it?" 

"You never had to in the first place." 

"I wasnt about to tell everyone I was dating you when there was the very distinct chance that Joey was going to steal you away from me." 

"She didnt even try." 

"Liar. I would imagine she fucked you like an animal." 

"She fucked me like a wounded animal," I admit. "But she did it for her. Not for me. Or for us. And I can assure you that it had absolutely nothing to do with love." 

"What about us, Pacey?" 

I look into her eyes and wonder how she can still be standing here in front of me, even after what I just admitted, what she must have known. "Do we have something to do with love?" 

"Yeah." 

I lean down and kiss her, wrapping her up in my arms. My tongue parts her willing lips, seeking safety in her warmth. Licking her lips, I pull back and rest my forehead against hers. "That depends." 

"Oh?" She pulls back, her eyes playful and I start to think that everything might be all right. "What does it depend on?" 

"What exactly you got me for Christmas."


End file.
